1. |
Fergie Time
01:01
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We're approaching the final minute
Of a game, looks like United won't win it
Could it be United have lost?
No take a look at Ferguson's watch
'Cos it's Fergie time
Fergie time, fa fa fa fa fa fa Fergie time
When United are in a hole,
They always seem to score a goal
In Fergie time
So many matches United have won
As the clock, it ticks on and on
It doesn't matter if your tactics are clever
'Cos they just going on playing forever
With Fergie time, Fergie time,
Fa fa fa fa fa fa Fergie time
When United are down and dead,
Don't worry, they've got Howard Webb,
And Fergie time
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2. |
Jamie Redknapp
01:16
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I'm literally Jamie Redknapp,
And I'm literally on TV
I literally love football
Yes, I love it literally
I don't have a great grasp
of vocabulary
So, these are the sort of things that literally come out of me
Gareth Bale has literally got three lungs,
That's why he's so good
Ronaldo hit the ball so hard,
It literally exploded off his foot
I just open my mouth,
I never think before I speak
And I can't pronounce the name of that Milan striker,
El Sharwawa-wary? (El Shaarawy)
I'm literally Jamie Redknapp,
I'm on TV all the time,
My trousers are literally so tight,
My voice is really high
I'm married to a pop star
She's literally Louise
I may be annoying but at least I'm not as bad as Richard Keys
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3. |
Barcelona
00:42
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They pass, then pass, then pass, then pass to Messi then score a goal
They pass, then pass, then pass, then pass to Messi then score a goal
They pass, then pass, then pass, then pass to Messi then score a goal
That's the Barcelona way
They pass, then pass, then pass, then pass to Xavi then score a goal
They pass, then pass, then pass, then pass to Villa then score a goal
They pass, then pass, then pass, then pass to Iniesta then score a goal
They pass, then pass, then pass, then pass to Pedro. Goal kick.
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4. |
Dimitar Berbatov
00:41
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Dimi dimi dimi dimi dimi dimi tar Berbatov
Dimi dimi dimi dimi dimi dimi tar Berbatov
Now at Fulham he is a big fish in a small pond
Even though he looks like a villain who would take on James Bond
He's so cool he makes me die inside a little bit
Even though he swans about the pitch like he don't give a shit
Dimi dimi dimi dimi dimi dimi tar Berbatov
Dimi dimi dimi dimi dimi dimi tar Berbatov
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5. |
Roy Hodgson
01:02
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I love Roy Hodgson, he never causes any harm,
He's like the grandad I never had, wasn't he in Dad's Army?
Oh, Roy is my boy, even though he is getting on,
And that's why I've written him this song.
Old Roy has been to many places,
Involved in many title races,
In Switzerland, and in Italy to,
Didn't he fight in World War 2?
He must have, he's so old aged,
He probably fought in the Crusades,
Helped the Spanish Armada take a pasting,
And fought the Normans in Hastings.
That's why I love old Roy,
And I wish him the best,
In his old string vest,
That he probably wears under his suit.
Old Roy is so great,
And I think he's number 1,
And that's why I have written him this song
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6. |
Le Newcastle (United)
00:54
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Bonjour, ca va, mon cheri...
Welcome to Newcastle United F.C.
We used to be a team of Jimmy Nails
Now we are a team who is frogs legs and snails
Look at ze bench
Everyone is French
And when we score we raise le Tricolore
Our shirts are stripes, we go to every game on bikes
Everyday you know,
It's like an episode of 'Allo 'Allo
Maintenant it's time for me to go
It's time for lunch and we're short on Merlot
But who am I? You would like to know
My name is Gerard D'Alan Pardeux
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7. |
Gareth Bale
01:02
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There is a player called Gareth Bale
It's such a shame that he plays for Wales
He scores every time he's on the attack
And he's got much better since he had his ears pinned back
He looks like a Neanderthal
But his pace and left foot are so wonderful
But he ain't perfect, he'll take a tumble you'll see
He'd fit perfectly in the Olympic diving team
And he is only twenty-three
Can he be better than Giggs? Let's see
But surely not Cristiano Ronaldo, how?
Jeff Stelling reckons that? Man, he's such a clown
Shut it Jeff and just head back to Countdown
Bale can hear you with his giant ear surround sound
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8. |
Ian Holloway
00:54
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Ian Holloway
We love everything you say
If you had a CD we'd buy it
So please don't ever go quiet
Ian Holloway, he says things on the hoof
Like every dog day has its day, and it's dog day now. Woof.
Taking blame for defeats and for sinking the Titanic
He could get off in court by using the defence of insanity
His quotes often have no rhyme of reason
Like comparing a win to badger mating season
Or to taking home a girl from a dingy nightclub
She wasn't best looking but there's smashing coffee, love
Ian Holloway
We love everything you say
If you had a CD we'd buy it
So please don't ever go quiet
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9. |
Michael Owen
01:18
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My name is Michael Owen
I used to be the best
Even though most of my showings
Recently came from the bench
But I played for England
Real Madrid and Liverpool
Until it was discovered I had the hamstrings of an 80-year-old
What will I do?
Now that I've hung up my shoes
It's not that I am bitter
But I do like to moan about it on Twitter
I had so many good times
When I still had functioning knees
Like winning the Ballon d'Or
And that hat trick against Germany
But it's goodbye for now
I really must dash
And there is nothing in my career I regret
Well except one thing
That handlebar moustache
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10. |
Mancini's Scarf
00:52
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Mancini's scarf, his scarf, he wears it in the bath
He never, ever takes it off, even when he's making love
He wears it when he's sleeping
Even when it's really hot
I wonder if it does protect his head from falling off
Mancini is so stylish
Only the finest will do,
But his scarf it never changes,
Maybe it's like Samson's hairdo?
But maybe it is time,
For him to wear something else?
Maybe a beanie hat,
Or a classic coat and tails?
Mancini's scarf, his scarf, he wears it in the bath
He never, ever takes it off, even when he's making love
He wears it when he's sleeping
Even when it's really hot
I wonder if it does protect his head from falling off
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11. |
Rafa Benitez
00:50
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My name is Rafa, that's a fact, that's a fact
I'm the Chelsea gaffa, that's a fact, that's a fact
Roman, I can't please him, that's a fact, that's a fact
So, I'll be gone next season, that's a fact, that's a fact
The Chelsea fans lack manners, that's a fact, that's a fact
They slag me off on banners, that's a fact, that's a fact
There's so many haters, that's a fact, that's a fact
Say I'm a fat Spanish waiter, no wait, that's not a fact
But I have won trophies, I can prove it to you
And when I talk football, only deal in the truth
And there is one fact I think we all can agree
I'm a man who has an awesome goateeeee
My name is Benitez, that's a fact, and it's true
I look like the bad guy from Toy Story 2,
I'm not liked in West London, that's a fact, that's a fact
Wave bye Chelsea fans because I'm never coming back
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12. |
David Luiz
01:11
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Oh, if I had David Luiz' hair
I'd photo bomb so many peoples pictures
Oh, if I had David Luiz' hair
I'd store stuff in there that I didn't need till later
Cos David Luiz is cool
And his hair if beautiful
And I don't care that he is crap at football
Oh, if I had David Luiz' hair
I'd never have to use a pillow when I go to sleep
Oh, if I had David Luiz' hair
I'd win so many Sideshow Bob look-a-like contests
Cos David Luiz is cool
And his hair if beautiful
And I don't care that he is crap at football
No, I don't care that he is crap at football
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13. |
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14. |
Harry Redknapp
00:44
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15. |
David Beckham
00:39
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There are lots of things I want in life
I want a new guitar and Mila Kunis as my wife
But there is one thing I want and I don't care
I really, really, really want David Beckham's hair
He's had more hairstyles than free kicks he has scored
And every style I've absolutely adored
Even the cornrows when he met Mandela
That was one that impressed a liberated fella
So, come one Becks, and tell me what's the cause
So I can have a bonse that is as good as yours
I basically, want to emulate your life
Well, there is one thing, you can keep posh spice
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16. |
Wenger's Coat
01:02
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Every time I see Arsene Wenger's coat it always seems to get longer
But with every inch that it grows, his team, they felt it gets stronger
For eight years his wardrobes have no trophies of note
And now it is just filled with jackets and coats
The fans want him out, he's dated and old,
At least he knows on the touchline he'll never be cold
Every time I see Arsene Wenger's coat I hear him say that his team are still good,
What a lie
And one day it will swallow him up and then he will emerge as a beautiful
Butt-er-fly
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17. |
Luis Suarez
01:00
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My name is Luis Suarez
And I think I am so misunderstood
People think that I am horrid
But deep down I am polite and rather good
People say that I am racist but I did do nothing wrong
That's just the way we do things in the country that I'm from
People hate me and they say I cheat and every game I dive
I'm the Widow Twankey in the Premier League's pantomime
My name is Luis Suarez
I'm the bad guy in the movie that's for sure
You can hate me if you like but
Against your team I probably will score
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18. |
Squeaky Bum Time
01:15
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It's nearly the end of the season
Three more teams will be leaving
Out of the Premier League, 'n'
Into the Championship
No more Match of the Day
No Old Trafford away
Not much time to survive
It is squeaky bum time
Well, there is Queens Park Rangers
They have always been in danger
And then there's Reading,
They've played worse than Hayes and Yeading, at times
Then there's Wigan Athletic,
With their crowds that are so pathetic
And Sunderland and Aston Villa-illa
Nearly the end of the season
Three more teams will be leaving
Out of the Premier League, and
Into the Championship
No more Match of the Day
No Old Trafford away
Not much time to survive
It is squeaky bum time
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19. |
Summer Time Blues
01:37
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There's no football this summer
What am I going to do?
No World Cup or no Euros
It's giving me the summer time blues
I could get into cricket
But I think it's boring as hell
And Wimbledon, no thank you
I don't want rugby as well
I can't wait for summer to end and for football to start
When pre-season kicks off, it mends my broken heart
There's football in America
Both egg-shaped and normal
But NFL games go on forever
And the MLS is really awful
Why can't we have more football here?
With animals and maybe robots
I would definitely watch that stuff
I just love football lots
I can't wait for summer to be over, I hate this football rest
Let's skip June and July and get straight to August
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20. |
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It was the season that Van Persie joined United
And finally won the title
And they managed to do that even while playing Tom Cleverley
And Giggs and Scholes continue playing
While their hair continue greying
And Fergie had to make room in his cabinet for title twenty
That was the season that was, yeah
In the Premier League, woo oh
2012 to 2013
It was the season that City sold Balotelli
But they would live to regret it
Not just for his goals, but for his entertainment too
Now there's no one left there that's like him
Who would ride around on a unicycle
And let off fireworks because he's bored in his bedroom
That was the season that was, yeah
In the Premier League, woo oh
2012 to 2013, yeah
It was the season where everyone did the Harlem Shake
And we were scared by the faces Phil Jones makes
And Michael Owen retired but nobody really seemed to care
And Suarez tried to eat Ivanovic's arm
But certainly did the Chelsea man no harm
But it was the start of the zombie apocalypse
Very soon, we will all be dead
That was the season that was, yeah
In the Premier League, woo
2012 to 2013
That was the season that was, woo oh
In the Premier League, yeah
2012 to 2013
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Jim Daly London, UK
Since January, Jim Daly has been writing and performing songs for The Football Special. His songs have become cult listening and an integral part of this emerging and award nominated show.
